I was homesick almost as soon as I was at the airport in Perth, and it was worse when I got here to Adelaide.
I actually cried to myself when I got to bed, due to the combination of that homesickness and the fact that the bed was uncomfortable and didn't smell/feel/look cleaned.
The cause of the homesickness? Mostly a guy.
A complicated situation to say the least.
Some who I know would assume it would be my recent breakup (3 weeks ago today in fact), but alas, that's not it; that was easy to handle, and I was naked in another guy's bed the following night (not without a problem however, I didn't want to go too far because of memories).
The complicated situation is in fact with this guy whom I was in bed with following his 18th.
You see, I'm head over heels for him, and have convinced myself that I can honestly say that I love him. Both as a best friend and in the romantic way.
The reason for the romantic part is that even through the ups and downs that I face due to the complicated situation, I still feel very strongly for him.
This is the third time round for my feelings for him, I thought I'd gotten over him before. But it appears when my chances arise again I fall for him yet again.
The problem this time is that he's not in the mindset for commitment, and he also can't choose between 3 guys; me being one of them.
Further complicating the situation is that the guy says he feels like he could say yes (to a relationship) to all of us when he's with us.
It makes me feel extremely rotten at times, but I can't help but hold on.
As you can see from the length of that, it's extremely complicated - and I could add more to it!
Though I choose not to, as it is rather a private matter.
Onto other matters about my trip;
The good things about it:
- I now have a laptop, albeit an old one
- I should get to see a friend I haven't seen in over a year
- I get to see family, though on this point I couldn't care less at times. This side of the family is very unintelligent...
- I saw a cute guy when I was at work with dad. Name was Ian Cooper (not sure of spelling tho). I would tap that ;)
The main bad point about it so far: I organised the dates around my friend's birthday; so I would be here for it again. But I didn't get to see him on his birthday like I'd planned - lunch plans he had got cancelled and he didn't bother replying on msn after a bit as to doing something else.
He's said we'd catch up for sure before I leave, but it would not surprise me one bit if this didn't happen.
Other bad things: this laptop is so old Windows 7 has blue screened a couple of times, I don't like my dad very much (I don't get along with thick people), and I'm sick.
Problem is, I think that going back to Perth isn't really going to solve anything, as I won't get to see this boy for a few weeks after that.
I'm just so confused. I don't know what to do.
It does seem bad that I say to people I'm using family as the reason to come over here, and then saying that I don't like them.
But even though I say I don't like them, I do love them; they just annoy me. (though I don't have a problem with Grandpa, but he's not very interesting; not much of a conversationalist)
I just need a hug I think; haven' had one since I got here to Adelaide, and that was from dad, so it wasn't very fulfilling.
I also want a loooooong hug from that boy, like the one we had on Monday last week when we went out to talk things over.
Sad Panda out
xx
